My Granddaughter just started her freshman year at University, but she is coming home every night even though she has a dorm. I’m worried she is limiting herself from making true friends. How can I convince her to stay one weekend on campus without overstepping?
-- Linda from Pennsylvania
Dear Linda – Chill.
Sincerely,
Ken
P.S. Perhaps that is a bit harsh. You’re absolutely right of course: going off to college plays an important role in developing essential adult skills, and it is also a place to develop durable, deep social connections due to shared life stages and physical proximity. There are many reasons why college graduates have larger and stronger social networks than people without a degree, and the opportunity to make lasting friendships in a generally supportive environment is one of them. It is harder to make those lasting connections when you’re simply not there, so I completely understand your concern.
All that being said, for many students, college is a big life transition, and acclimating to the new environment can take longer than we might like. Many college students report taking a year (or in some cases, even more) to fully transition from home to a residential college environment. 70% of students report being homesick at times during their first college semester, so the fact that your granddaughter is clinging a bit to the familiar is pretty typical. I’d give it more than five weeks before you started thinking that an intervention is needed. In the meantime, be supportive and gently encourage her to find activities – whether they be clubs or classes – where she can find her people.
And if the problem continues, just take a page out of the parenting guide of Home Alone. Leave the kid behind with no way to reach you. Turns out that they learn a lot about self-reliance and how to defeat the Wet Bandits.
Sincerely,
Ken