I have just retired after being a teacher for 25+ years. Most of my friends were people from work, and now I don't have an excuse to see them. While I am happy to be retired, I miss the routine and opportunity to talk with people. What should I do?
— Michelle from Raleigh, NC
What’s going on in North Carolina? Two weeks of “Ask Ken”, two questions from North Carolina. The question may have come from North Carolina, but it’s applicable everywhere. Retirement sounds great, and can be great, but it often starts with the loss of some of your most important social connections. You spend upwards of eight hours a day with people – often more than your own family – and then they are gone. I don’t mean to be a downer here, but retirement can be associated with declines in social connection and health.
But that won’t happen to you Michelle, because there are strategies to deal with the risk of loneliness. Just because you are retiring doesn’t mean you have to stop working. Think about part-time work, perhaps given your background, as a substitute teacher. It’s true that subs get insufficient respect, but they play a critical role in our educational system.
And leaving work doesn’t mean leaving friends behind. We’re trained to think of being disciplined about exercise or eating well, and it is true with social health as well. Friend of the newsletter Kasley Killam and author of The Art and Science of Connection has developed the 5-3-1 rule: spend time with five people each week, nurture at least three close relationships, and aim for one hour of close connection. Maybe it’s a little hokey, but it offers a way to benchmark your efforts.
Or do what we do: invite people over every week to watch the Great British Bake Off, which starts up again this Friday, September 4th. Of course we don’t bet on such things, but if we did, our money this year is on Iain, who combines his love for singing with his love for baking and calls himself a “Yeastie Boy”. You’ve got to love that.
Sincerely,
Ken